Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck. But my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.