If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.

Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "What for?"

I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.

I lost a button hole.

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

I have a large sea shell collection which I keep scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen it.