I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'

A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. She said, "You didn't borrow this." I said, " I will!"

I was skydiving horizontally.

I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn't hear it.

I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I said, 'oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far.'

I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'. There was another sign below it that said 'self service'. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.