Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.

I worked in a health food store once. A guy asked me, 'If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?

I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn't hear it.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

I love eating chocolate cake and ice cream after a show. I almost justify it in my mind as, 'You were a good boy onstage and you did your show, so now you can have some cake and ice cream.'

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.