I was in a grocery store. I saw a sign that said 'pet supplies.' So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said, 'Compact cars.

I have a fax machine with "fax waiting".

I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.

I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.

[Referring to a glass of water:] I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust anybody!

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.