I was in a grocery store. I saw a sign that said 'pet supplies.' So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said, 'Compact cars.

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

I was skydiving horizontally.

Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "What for?"