I was in a grocery store. I saw a sign that said 'pet supplies.' So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said, 'Compact cars.

Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

A cop stopped me for speeding/ He said, 'Why were you going so fast?' I said, 'See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing [mimes steering wheel]? This steers it'

Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.

Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.

Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.