I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was "Quote" so the last thing I said before I died would be "Unquote.

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it's unbelievably clear.

I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?