My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.

A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. She said, "You didn't borrow this." I said, " I will!"

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.

Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.

I spent all my money on a FAX machine. Now I can only FAX collect.