Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

What I like about the jokes, to me it's a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won't be funny.

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

For my sister's 50th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.

The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.

I'm standing behind a wall of jokes. You don't know about my personal life, my girlfriends, or what I do when I'm not on the road. There's this guy, this comedian, and this is how he thinks, but people really don't know anything about me.

When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?