Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, 'If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?' I said, 'No.' She said, 'Okay, forget it.

While I was gone, somebody rearranged on the furniture in my bedroom. They put it in exactly the same place it was. When I told my roommate, he said: "Do I know you?"

I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.

I finally got around to reading the dictionary. Turns out the Zebra did it.