I named my dog Stay, so I can say, 'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!

I broke my arm trying to fold a bed. It wasn't the kind that folds.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

I went to a garage sale. 'How much for the garage' 'It's not for sale.'

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.'

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.