I named my dog Stay, so I can say, 'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

Like other kids wanted to become firemen or astronauts, I wanted to make people laugh.

My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.

I saw a want ad. "light housekeeping." They said "Here, change this bulb." I said "I'll need some friends."

I spent all my money on a FAX machine. Now I can only FAX collect.

One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.