I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, "I think I might have written that."
Steven WrightThe lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store."
Steven WrightIn school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence.
Steven Wright