I took a baby shower.

I got a dog and named him 'Stay'. Now, I go 'Come here, Stay!' After a while, the dog went insane and wouldn't move at all.

I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.

In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said 'cut it out'

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.