I broke my arm trying to fold a bed. It wasn't the kind that folds.

I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn't hear it.

When I was five years old I was on a merry go round. There was a gunshot nearby. The horses stampeded. There I was running down the street on a purple wooden horse.

One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said, "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read"

Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.

I got a dog and named him 'Stay'. Now, I go 'Come here, Stay!' After a while, the dog went insane and wouldn't move at all.