I broke my arm trying to fold a bed. It wasn't the kind that folds.

It's a good thing we have gravity or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused.

Last year we drove across the country...We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip... I don't remember what it was.

You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.