My doctor told me I shouldn't work out until I'm in better shape. I told him, 'All right; don't send me a bill until I pay you.'

I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

One time the power went out in my house and I had to use the flash on my camera to see my way around. I made a sandwich and took fifty pictures of my face. The neighbors thought there was lightning in my house.

I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.

I like to fill my tub up with water, then turn the shower on and act like I'm in a submarine that's been hit .