I like to skate on the other side of the ice.

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, "Right here, officer."

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes.

When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street.

I used to be an airline pilot. I got fired because I kept locking the keys in the plane. They caught me on an 80 foot stepladder with a coat hanger.