The speed of time is one second per second.

I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.

I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, "Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday."

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.

The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.

It's a good thing we have gravity or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused.