They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

I was in a grocery store. I saw a sign that said 'pet supplies.' So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said, 'Compact cars.

To me, comedy is just twisting reality. It's commenting or observing or twisting life.

I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note. It's a start.

I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.

What's another word for Thesaurus?