They say we're 98% water. We're that close to drowning. I like to live on the edge.

Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers. You'd see a flock of birds come by, laughing hysterically!

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'

I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish.