Hermits have no peer pressure.

I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.

Do you have any toy train schedules?

I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.

When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.