I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

The other day I went to a tourist information booth and asked, 'Tell me about some of the people who were here last year.

I bought a million lottery tickets. I won a dollar.

I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates".

Doing a little work around the house. I put fake brick wallpaper over a real brick wall, just so I'd be the only one who knew. People come over and I'm gonna say, "Go ahead, touch it... it feels real."

In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence.