I had a dream that all the babies prevented by the pill showed up. They were mad.

Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.

Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.