I'm so hyper. (said with a very dull voice>

I didn't want to be selling insurance at 40, wondering what would it have been like to do stand-up.

Did you sleep well?" "No, I made a couple of mistakes.

I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.