I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck. But my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.

Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish. My dreams were broadcast all over the world.

The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, "Right here, officer."

I have a quantum car. Every time I look at the speedometer I get lost.

Because I don't believe everything I read.