If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.

I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.

For a while I didn't have a car . . . I had a helicopter . . . no place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running. [slow glance upward]

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.

The sky already fell. Now what?