I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game HE was watching was better.

I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them.

My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?