I made a chocolate cake with white chocolate. Then I took it to a potluck. I stood in line for some cake. They said, "Do you want white cake or chocolate cake?" I said, "yes."

I'm so hyper. (said with a very dull voice>

Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-guy who presents what he's written.

I paint; I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart.

They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.