I eat Swiss cheese from the inside out.

I didn't want to be selling insurance at 40, wondering what would it have been like to do stand-up.

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.

They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers. He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was. You can guess what he told me.