A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

I broke my arm trying to fold a bed. It wasn't the kind that folds.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

People think my friend George is weird because he wears sideburns...behind his ears. I think he's weird because he wears false teeth...with braces on them.

I like to go to art museums and name the untitled paintings... Boy With Pail... Kitten On Fire.

For a while I didn't have a car . . . I had a helicopter . . . no place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running. [slow glance upward]

Like other kids wanted to become firemen or astronauts, I wanted to make people laugh.