When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Day 1 -- Still tired from the move. Day 2 -- Everybody talks to me like I'm an idiot.
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
Imagine Oshkosh straitjackets for little insane children.
One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said, "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read"
I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, "See, that's how it's done."