I laugh all the time - at things, people, stuff, whatever. But, I don't laugh onstage because then it's serious business.

Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.

I was going to tape some records onto a cassette, but I got the wires backwards. I erased the all of the records. When I returned them to my friend, he said, "Hey, these records are all blank."

I thought I would be a guy on the radio.

For a while I didn't have a car . . . I had a helicopter . . . no place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running. [slow glance upward]

I was always making my friends laugh but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.