I was once walking through the forest alone. A tree fell right in front of me - and I didn't hear it.

I'm addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn't matter.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

I haven't changed at all. I'm the same as when I was 11.

A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.

Imagine Pulitzer prizefighting.

My friend Sam has one leg. I went to his house. I couldn't go up the stairs.