I quit my job at the helium gas factory. I didn't like being spoken to in that voice.

You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks.

Allyson Smith reminds me of a younger, prettier, funnier me. Now if you'll excuse me, the ladies from my bridge club have arrived.

Standing in the park, I was wondering why a frisbee looks larger the closer it gets...then it hit me

My father is schizophrenia, but he's good people.

I don't think lesbians should be allowed to use dildos, afterall they've made their choice

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.