I quit my job at the helium gas factory. I didn't like being spoken to in that voice.

I went to a Karaoke Bar last night that didn't play any 70s music, at first I was afriad, oh I was petrified

Standing in the park, I was wondering why a frisbee looks larger the closer it gets...then it hit me

So what if I cant spell Armageddon, its not the end of the world.

Even though I'm proud by dad invented the rear-view mirror, we're not as close as we appear.

Allyson Smith reminds me of a younger, prettier, funnier me. Now if you'll excuse me, the ladies from my bridge club have arrived.

So what if I can't spell Armaggedon? ... it's not the end of the world.