I have decided to keep a full journal, in the hope that my life will perhaps seem more interesting when it is written down.

Adrian Mole's father was so angry that so many pepole got divorced nowadays. HE had been unhappilly married for 30 years, why should everybody else get away?

There's only one thing more boring than listening to other people's dreams, and that's listening to their problems.

Every time I start a new piece of work, I spend a long while under the duvet thinking I can't do it.

I think it's essential for comic writers to have a hate figure, a despot, a regime to react against, and I think Thatcher was perfect for me, I loathed everything she stood for.

I am the world's worst diabetic.

Most social problems could be helped or prevented if people had more money and practical advice.