I have decided to keep a full journal, in the hope that my life will perhaps seem more interesting when it is written down.

I asked Mr. Vann which O levels you need to write situation comedy for television. Mr. Vann said that you don't need qualifications at all, you just need to be a moron.

It's no surprise to me that intellectuals commit suicide, go mad or die from drink. We feel things more than other people. We know the world is rotten and that chins are ruined by spots.

I took my sight and mobility for granted.

Yes, I hate it when people call me a 'national treasure'. It takes away your bite and makes you feel like a harmless old golden Labrador.

I am the world's worst diabetic.

I think we take it for granted that if you are with your husband after 30 years, then he is the love of your life.