There have only been two authentic geniuses in the world, Willie Mays and Willie Shakespeare and I think you'd better put Shakespeare first, darling.

The less I behave like Whistler's mother the night before, the more I look like her the morning after.

Here's a rule I recommend: Never practice two vices at once.

I'm the foe of moderation, the champion of excess. If I may lift a line from a die-hard whose identity is lost in the shuffle, 'I'd rather be strongly wrong than weakly right.'

Do you know what my ambition is in life? To be without ambition. As far back as I can remember I've been absolutely hag-ridden. I'd like to attain the state of mind that the Indians call Nirvana. That, for me, would happen if I were free of ambition.

A frozen daiquiri of a scorching afternoon is soothing. It makes living more tolerable.

(On seeing a former lover for the first time in years) I thought I told you to wait in the car.