There have only been two authentic geniuses in the world, Willie Mays and Willie Shakespeare and I think you'd better put Shakespeare first, darling.

Whatever you have read I have said is almost certainly untrue, except if it is funny, in which case I definitely said it.

Fill what is empty, empty what is full, and scratch where it itches.

If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.

For acting, darlings, is the world's most perilous trade. Compared with actors, steeple jacks and deep-sea divers lead snug and placid lives.

No man worth his salt, no man of spirit and spine, no man for whom I could have any respect, could rejoice in the identification of Tallulah's husband. It's tough enough to be bogged down in a legend. It would be even tougher to marry one.

Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it.