All my life I've been terrible at remembering people's names. I once introduced a friend of mine as Martini. Her name was actually Olive.

It's unlikely I'll ever submit to a psychiatrist's couch. I don't want some stranger prowling around through my psyche, monkeying with my id. I don't need an analyst to tell me that I have never had any sense of security. Who has?

[To the critic who wrote a negative review:] I am sitting in the smallest room of the house. Your review is before me. Soon it will be behind me.

I have enemies I've never met - that's fame.

Do you know what my ambition is in life? To be without ambition. As far back as I can remember I've been absolutely hag-ridden. I'd like to attain the state of mind that the Indians call Nirvana. That, for me, would happen if I were free of ambition.

Here's a rule I recommend: Never practice two vices at once.

I think the Republican party should be placed in drydock and have the barnacles scraped off its bottom.