All my life I've been terrible at remembering people's names. I once introduced a friend of mine as Martini. Her name was actually Olive.

If I were well behaved, I'd die of boredom.

Fill what is empty, empty what is full, and scratch where it itches.

I'm the foe of moderation, the champion of excess.

I think the Republican party should be placed in drydock and have the barnacles scraped off its bottom.

Whatever you have read I have said is almost certainly untrue, except if it is funny, in which case I definitely said it.

They used to photograph Shirley Temple through gauze. They should photograph me through linoleum.