I think what makes people ill a lot of the time is the belief that your thoughts are concrete and that you're responsible for your thoughts. Whereas actually - the way I see it - your thoughts are what the wind blows through your mind.

Every move you make has already been done, and taken the piss out of.

If I had one wish I'd wish for a million wishes because I am clever.

Technology is killing us. We think it's helping us but it's killing us. Don't ask me why because I don't have the time or the attention span to complete that thought. Now let's all hold hands and draw spider monkeys.

I actually saw the loch ness monster when I was 9. She was big as a house. Want to know who the loch ness monster is? It's your obese mother. Burn mother****er

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he's a goddamn chicken he doesn't know what the **** he's doing

And I know I'm paranoid and neurotic, I've made a career out of it.