Sonic the hedgehog is a beautiful statement on capitalism. You spend your whole life collecting yellow rings and then hit one spike and lose them all. And there is a fat man who wants to kill you.

I don't even have children, it's just been an excuse to play jenga and hit softballs in my backyard with a box of laundry detergant wearing baby clothes.

As a boy I was a hermit crab, but I soon came out of my shell. Now I am a pincer crab, and soon I will be at my full power as a deadly nuclear lobster.

If I had one wish I'd wish for a million wishes because I am clever.

Space Jam is my favorite movie. Don't ask me why, it just is.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he's a goddamn chicken he doesn't know what the **** he's doing

There's the beautiful people and then there's the rest of us.