I would rather die then let my kids eat cup a soup.

Americans are ugly unwashed clods that live off of government cheese. If I could, I'd take every living American, grind them up into a fine paste and use that paste to feed the dolphins, because they are neglected by the evil Americans.

Well, it only dawned on me about six months ago that not everybody's against me all the time. It was something of a revelation.

I am all the days that you choose to ignore.

I may be a tough fellow but I have a reflective side as well. Reflective as in I'll bash your head in with a ****ing mirror.

I stopped showering ever since I realized water causes people to drown. I cannot risk being so close to something that can murder me. Do you let killers into your house? Oh, but you let a murderer come out of your own faucet. Hypocrite.

i'M nOT thOM yorkE but a. ROBOT.