I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that's a good thing.

The big advantage to playing the Venetian in Las Vegas - where it's a beautiful theater - is that unlike other places, even many other nice venues, I can do a set and lighting cues, I can put on a real show. I can dress up, wear a tux.

I blend memories. I blend them into one that's funny. I exaggerate to clarify.

The ego is like a kid in the basement: It's best to keep him busy.

You don't know what people are really like until they're under a lot of stress.

While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.

Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.