I blend memories. I blend them into one that's funny. I exaggerate to clarify.

My stepfather stepped in where no man would've stepped in - six kids, five of them boys - and that's heroic.

Women are brilliant. Every woman knows how to do the weirdest thing right out of the bucket. Every woman knows how to do that Hindu head wrap with the towel out of the shower. A typhoon couldn't blow that thing off their heads. Ever try to do that? You look like a drunk Iraqi soldier.

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times.

I'm a very bad student, but a great learner.

For years, I just did not like this idea of God, church.

Use a screwdriver instead of a hammer. Try to untighten the nut with your hand. Utilize the path of least resistance first.