If you don't decide where you're going, life will decide for you.

Before Kady was born, I didn't think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time.

Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?

Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.

The world's a mean place. It's unfair, then it's fair. It's hateful, then it's loving. It's a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.

Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we're just the tallest people living here.

Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words 'large' or 'size' with 'rear end'. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.