Nothing's as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.

Why go to a church to worship God? A church is man made. God never said, "And let there be aluminum siding." Climbing a tree to talk to God sounds like a better idea since only God can make a tree. And if that tree's on a golf course, all the better.

If it ain't broke, you can probably still fix it.

In my experience, it's all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.

While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.

Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.

Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we're just the tallest people living here.