Nothing's as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.

Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words 'large' or 'size' with 'rear end'. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.

Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you are tired and most of your balls are missing.

Nothing's as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.

You don't know what people are really like until they're under a lot of stress.

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.

Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we're just the tallest people living here.