Be wary of listening to stories secondhand.

Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.

Men often do things for women that they don't want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don't want to do.

Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we're just the tallest people living here.

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.

Men aren't men until they can get to Sears by themselves.

I think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody's car.