Women are brilliant. Every woman knows how to do the weirdest thing right out of the bucket. Every woman knows how to do that Hindu head wrap with the towel out of the shower. A typhoon couldn't blow that thing off their heads. Ever try to do that? You look like a drunk Iraqi soldier.

Jill, we became parents so we could tell our kids what to do. Otherwise we're just the tallest people living here.

I blend memories. I blend them into one that's funny. I exaggerate to clarify.

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.

But separate a man from his car - that's inhuman.

I love women. I actually prefer girls, as a parent, because they disappoint at a different age. They go through that, "Dad's an idiot," which lasted a little longer than I'd like.

Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?