Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.

Anytime you work with animals, you begin to see more humanity in them.

Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words 'large' or 'size' with 'rear end'. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.

I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that's a good thing.

Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you are tired and most of your balls are missing.

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.

The world's a mean place. It's unfair, then it's fair. It's hateful, then it's loving. It's a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.