A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
In my experience, it's all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.
My comedy is not mine. It's a gift. I'm not that smart.
Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.