Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.

My dad's death reminds me of earthquakes - things that shake your foundation.

Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.

I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.

I'm sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults.

Before Kady was born, I didn't think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time.

Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.