Boys can be disgusting. You can't leave us alone for any length of time because we will burn something, blow something up or paint something. We're just obnoxious.

I blend memories. I blend them into one that's funny. I exaggerate to clarify.

If it ain't broke, you can probably still fix it.

Dog's listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you.

Be wary of listening to stories secondhand.

Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you are tired and most of your balls are missing.

Men aren't men until they can get to Sears by themselves.