Boys can be disgusting. You can't leave us alone for any length of time because we will burn something, blow something up or paint something. We're just obnoxious.

I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I've never gotten over it.

In my experience, it's all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.

The big advantage to playing the Venetian in Las Vegas - where it's a beautiful theater - is that unlike other places, even many other nice venues, I can do a set and lighting cues, I can put on a real show. I can dress up, wear a tux.

In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.

To get a man's attention, just stand in front of the TV and don't move. He'll talk to you. I promise.

I blend memories. I blend them into one that's funny. I exaggerate to clarify.