My stepfather stepped in where no man would've stepped in - six kids, five of them boys - and that's heroic.

I don't understand why it has to be either - or - either socialism or democracy. Why can't we combine things to get the best of each system?

Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.

I blend memories. I blend them into one that's funny. I exaggerate to clarify.

I've gotten so far past the Android and iPhones that I'm back to a flip-phone. It's funny, you can buy antique flip-phones online. A lot of us collect them. Clearly, they're considered antiques.

For years, I just did not like this idea of God, church.

Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words 'large' or 'size' with 'rear end'. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.