If you do weave one-liners into a story, you have to have an overall story as well, otherwise it doesn't really count as narrative.

Conjunctivitis.com — that’s a site for sore eyes.

If you compulsively pun you are called a paronomasiac.

So this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?" I thought "That's all I need, a Je-hoover's witness".

So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.

My DVD cellophane was put on by a psychiatrist. It was shrink-wrapped.

One of the things I like about when I tour sometimes is that occasionally you'll see a dad there with his 12-year-old son and they're both enjoying it.