This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."

I love acting, but it's all just a bonus.

I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said, "You've got cholera."

I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best Before End...'

Now did you know if a stick insect laid it's eggs in a jar of Bovril it will give birth to a litter of twiglets.

I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

Believe it or not, there are twice as many eyebrows in the world as there are people.