This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."

Now did you know if a stick insect laid it's eggs in a jar of Bovril it will give birth to a litter of twiglets.

People think that because of my act that I must have a really busy mind and I must be driven. I really am not. I quite like going outside and looking at spiders on a hedge in my garden and stuff.

One of the things I like about when I tour sometimes is that occasionally you'll see a dad there with his 12-year-old son and they're both enjoying it.

I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best Before End...'

I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.