This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me."

I went out on a date with Simile. I don't know what I metaphor.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one.

I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'

For one thing, I don’t pun excessively in real life.

If you do weave one-liners into a story, you have to have an overall story as well, otherwise it doesn't really count as narrative.