I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.

If you do weave one-liners into a story, you have to have an overall story as well, otherwise it doesn't really count as narrative.

People think that because of my act that I must have a really busy mind and I must be driven. I really am not. I quite like going outside and looking at spiders on a hedge in my garden and stuff.

My mate asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?" I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me."

I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he?"

I'll tell you what makes my blood boil?... Crematoriums.

Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. Exit signs? They're on their way out.