So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.
Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. Exit signs? They're on their way out.
You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.
If you compulsively pun you are called a paronomasiac.
So this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?" I thought "That's all I need, a Je-hoover's witness".