My house is a bit like a teenager's bedroom. The kind of pictures you have hanging up on your wall say a lot about you. I've got ones of Evel Knievel, Elvis and Starsky and Hutch, signed by David Soul.

Believe it or not, there are twice as many eyebrows in the world as there are people.

I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.

People ask 'do you make a conscious effort not to swear?' - if you're doing silly stuff you're not tempted to put swearing in. All the comics from my childhood, who were funny without swearing, were the people that influenced me. What I do is quite traditional anyway.

Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds.

Conjunctivitis.com — that’s a site for sore eyes.

One-armed butlers, they can take it but they can't dish it out