My house is a bit like a teenager's bedroom. The kind of pictures you have hanging up on your wall say a lot about you. I've got ones of Evel Knievel, Elvis and Starsky and Hutch, signed by David Soul.

The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it.

I phoned the local ramblers club today and this bloke just went on and on.

One-armed butlers, they can take it but they can't dish it out

I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best Before End...'

I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.

One of the things I like about when I tour sometimes is that occasionally you'll see a dad there with his 12-year-old son and they're both enjoying it.